Matters of the Heart
by Davis Family Fan
Summary: She had loved, mourned, loved again, and now he's back, but he's no longer him. She loves them both. Her heart is torn in two: the man who doesn't remember her or the man who loves her more than life itself. A post-revelation rewrite. Sam, Julexis, Samtrick, JaSam. COMPLETE. Please Review.
1. Once

_I wrote this by request as a birthday gift for my dearest Batel. I have been in my Adele 25 feelings creating music videos of my Samtrick babies in my head. However, this is not a Samtrick story, nor is it a JaSam story. This is a Sam story. It is three chapters long, complete, and I'm posting it all at once._

 _Enjoy._

 **ONCE**

Every time their car turned down that long tree-lined road toward that massive two story log home he had purchased for her, her heart skipped a beat, the skin on her arms created goosebumps, and tears welled in her eyes. He loved her. And this was their home. This was the home where they would gather their family for holidays, birthdays, and just because days. This was what she had always wanted. This was what she had dreamt of and strove to have - and accomplished despite a glaringly missing piece that turned out to be him - at her beloved lake house. She could not believe that it had actually come to pass.

She loved this man with every fiber of her being. She often thought if she was mad for feeling for him the way she did. She was an independent woman who had raised two of her children on her own; she had never needed a man. She had wanted one, of course - although her choices had been questionable - but, she had never been a woman who needed a man. She was successful, her children were beautiful and well taken care of, and she was happy... _enough_. Until him.

"I love you," she murmured as she turned to look at his profile. While his eyes were focused on the remaining distance ahead, he smiled at her comment; the lines of his face and dimple became visible. If she had not been strapped into her seat, she would have leaned over to kiss him. So, since he drove with his left hand so that he could keep his right hand free to hold hers, she ran her hand down his toned arm. "I hope you know that-"

"I love you too, Babe," he said as he raised her hand to his lips. Their fingers were intertwined. He took a moment to glance in her direction; he found her to be the most beautiful woman in the world. He wished that so many years had not been stolen from them. His biggest regret was how they had left one another that fateful night thirty five years earlier. Turning back to the road, he frowned slightly when he noticed a familiar car in their driveway. "Um... I thought Sam and Patrick went to that wedding today?"

"They are-" Alexis nodded before noticing her daughter's truck. A chill rushed through her body. Something was wrong; she could feel it. "Stop," she said as she released his hand and quickly unbuckled her seatbelt. "Stop the car." A sudden sense of urgency overcame her; she needed to get inside. "Julian-"

"We're right here, Alexis," Julian calmly replied. "Just let me pull into the driveway."

"Okay-"

She took a deep breath as she released the firm grip she had on the door long enough to allow him to pull up beside their daughter's vehicle. Without waiting for him to step out and walk around to open her door for her, she jumped out and made her way up the steps to the house. Her heart broke when she saw through the glass Sam sobbing alone in the living room. She turned the doorknob and entered.

"Sam?" she called out to the younger woman as she rushed toward her.

Her daughter was dressed in the beautiful blue dress they had picked out together mere days earlier; but rather than glow in the outfit as she did in everything else she wore, she was on the verge of hysterics. Taking a seat beside her, Alexis pulled her into her arms.

"Honey, what's wrong?" she asked. It had been quite some time since she had seen Sam so upset. Her usually strong daughter tucked her head under her chin and rested her head against her chest as she cried heavily. She racked her brain trying to figure out what could have happened to merit such an emotional breakdown; the possibilities that floated in her thoughts were terrifying. "Sweetheart, is Danny okay?" When she felt Sam nod, she breathed a sigh of relief in spite of the tears that welled in her eyes. She knew that her grandson was with Monica for the night; she was very good with him. "And Patrick and Emma? Are they okay?"

"It's... Jake..." was all Sam was able to get out before the wave of sobs overcame and threatened to drown her. She tightened her grip on her mother. "Mom... Jake... he's..."

"Alexis? Sam?" Julian called out as he ran through the open door and toward the women. His eyes met with Alexis'; she held onto Sam as though her life depended on it and rocked her gently. "Are you okay?" He asked. Taking a seat beside her, he looked to Alexis for some guidance. "What's going on?"

He did not want to infringe upon the moment these two women shared; Alexis had a way of getting through to her children and having them open up to her. Although it had been two years since their reunion, it had really only been a year since the younger woman had allowed him a chance to be her father. Sam and he still had quite a ways to go before he could elicit the responses her mother could. Alexis had had far longer than that to build this unbreakable relationship she had with Sam. He was jealous.

"Is she okay?" he attempted once again to figure out what might have happened."

"I don't know," Alexis mouthed to him. "Shh, shh," she soothed Sam as she pressed a kiss to the top of her head and ran a hand against her back. "Honey, take a deep breath," she urged. She gently pulled her daughter from her; she held her face in her hands. "Tell us what's wrong. What _happened_?"

"The wedding..." Sam attempted. Her tears rolled from the corners of her eyes. She grabbed hold of her mother's wrists. "Jake-" she croaked once more.. To say the words aloud would make both her dreams of Jason's return a reality, but it would also turn her reality, the life she had built, into a nightmare. She felt as though she was suffocating under the weight of it all. "I... I can't... _believe_..."

"Okay, okay," Alexis soothed when she realized that the words were too much for her daughter. She gently wiped the endless tears from her face. Given her state, she knew that she would not get a coherent response from the young woman, but she could receive one from someone else. "Sam, I'm going to get you something to drink," she said with a nod. She pressed a lingering kiss to her daughter's forehead. "I'll be right back." Wiping her own tears, she locked eyes with Julian. "Take her, please," she said without question as she gently eased the young woman in his direction before moving to her feet.

Watching her disappear through the door towards the kitchen, Julian realized that this was the first time that he was tasked with or even put in the position of comforting his daughter; he did not know what to do. This was Alexis' area of expertise. Sure, he had helped to comfort his son when the man had learned that his fiancé was not only married, but surprisingly, to a _woman_ ; he found it easier to speak to Lucas on a manly level. He did not know how to comfort his tough, yet emotional daughter. So, he just held her... awkwardly, he thought.

"Just... let me know if this is weird... for you," he said. "I'm not as good about this as your mom-"

"You're _fine_ ," Sam quietly replied although she shrugged out of his embrace. Grabbing a couple of tissues from the box on the coffee table, she tabbed the corners of her eyes. "I just... I need a minute. Ok?"

He nodded. "Of course," he replied. "Take all the time you need, kiddo."

She smiled gratefully at him; she needed to walk around a bit. And if she was being honest with herself, she probably felt as uncomfortable with the close embrace as her father did. This was not the relationship they had. Breaking down as she had, she was also a bit embarrassed as he had never seen her so emotionally vulnerable. He was not like her mother; he was not the warm and fuzzy type. She was fine with that; and probably because the two of them were similar that way. Having one parent who was overprotective and highly emotional was enough for her.

"Do you mind if I run to the bathroom?" She asked suddenly feeling self-conscious. She knew this was her mother's home and by extension their new family home, but it was Julian's place too. As comfortable as she had always been at the lake house and of course in her penthouse, she was accustomed to living or spending extended time in the same residence with her mother and sisters; her father's new presence in that home was a change she would need to become used to. "It's down the hall, right?"

He rose to his feet. It was in that moment towering over her, he suddenly realized just how petite his daughter was; he was certain this might have been the very first time he had seen her without the four inch footwear she usually wore. He found it odd how little he really knew about her. Now that he lived with her mother, he looked forward to finding out more about her.

"Yeah, it's the first door on the right," he said as he gave her the precise directions. When she smiled sadly and made her way toward the short distance, he called out to her, "Hey Sam?"

She turned to face him. "Yeah?"

"This is your home too, you know," he winked. "You don't ever have to ask to do anything here. Even though I'm here, I want you to know that you're always welcome."

"Thanks, Dad," she said then turned on her heels toward the powder room.

* * *

With a grim look on her face, Alexis returned to the living room with a glass of water in one hand and her cell in the other. Noticing that Sam was missing, she cast a concerned look to Julian. Needing no words to understand what she meant to say, he replied simply, "Bathroom." Letting out a sigh, she moved toward the couch to take a seat beside him. Keeping an eye out for their daughter's reappearance, she let out a heavy breath.

"It turns out that the connection... or pull... _whatever..._ " She ran her fingers through her hair as she shifted to face him. She was liable to ramble; this was not the time. "Julian, Jake... he's... _Jason!_ "

He head jerked back. "I'm sorry, what?" He said almost ironically given that he had risen from the dead. But that was, of course, quite different as he had not been fatally wounded and kicked into the frigid waters of Upstate New York. How this man could have survived such a thing was nothing short of a miracle. "Are you sure?"

Except for the fact that she had lived in Port Charles for nearly three decades and had seen with her own two eyes the ways in which life and death seemed to have defied all logic, Alexis probably would not have believed this herself. But this very same incident had occurred but a couple of years ago to the man with whom she had just spoken when his own wife (now ex-wife) had returned from what had been a certain death. These things happened in their town.

"Patrick told me that Carly ran a DNA test on this Jake Doe character and-"

"He's my husband," Sam finished her mother's sentence for her. Taking tentative steps toward the living room, she opted to sit in the chair furthest from both of her parents; any physical touch with them would surely break the levy that was working quite hard to keep her emotions at bay. She bit the inside of her cheek and felt her nose flare slightly. Tears flowed from her eyes. The words fell out of her mouth, "And he doesn't remember me."

Patrick had told her this, but it was no less disturbing and painful to hear; her daughter's heartbreak was felt in the depth of her own core. "Oh, honey," she sighed.

She wanted to move to sit beside her, but the years have taught her that when Sam needed her, she sought her out; there was a fine balance between her overwhelming desire to smother all of her girls whenever they were in pain or needed her and giving them the space they needed to sort out their feelings on their own without inserting her bias for them. Enveloping her daughter into her arms at this very moment would result in nothing more than a collapse of whatever remained to keep at bay the hysterical emotions she had had mere minutes earlier.

"He said he looks at me like a _friend_ , Mom!" Sam continued. Leaning forward her in the seat, she rested her elbows onto her knees and hid her face in her hands. "He said he doesn't remember his life with me..." she inhaled deeply. Any restraint she had had disappeared and the tears burst from her eyes. She felt she might drown in her emotions. "Or our _son_... or our... _family_. He loves Elizabeth, Mom."

Julian made a face. "He doesn't remember you or the fact that you're married to him, but he remembers Elizabeth?"

"Julian-" Alexis shot him a look.

"No-," Sam shook her head. "He doesn't remember Elizabeth... not as Jason. He doesn't remember being Jason at all, Dad," she continued. Heavy tears rolled down her cheeks. "He only remembers this last year - his life as Jake Doe and the life he created with Elizabeth. That's all he knows."

And this was it. Releasing Julian's hand which she had not realized she had held, Alexis moved to Sam's side. Using the back of her hand to wipe the tears from Sam's cheeks, she pressed a kiss onto her forehead. "I'm so sorry you're going through this, sweetheart," she murmured. "I know this is what you've always wanted-"

"It's what I've _dreamt_ about, Mom!" she countered. "It's... I... when he... when _Jason_ died... and when no one was able to find his body, I still couldn't let him go," she continued. "I felt it in my heart that he was still out there somewhere... that he was hurt... but he wasn't gone. But when there was no sign of him after months and then a year, I had to let him go; I convinced myself to let go of that _doubt_ that he was dead and to move on. But..." she locked eyes with the woman. "Mom, I _knew_ that this wasn't the way our story was supposed to end. I told you that-"

"You did," Alexis nodded.

She was not finished. "After Franco, and everything that happened because of him in our relationship, and then having Danny be taken from us for a year, then getting him back... Mom, I _knew_ our story wouldn't end that way. It _couldn't_!" She stressed. "Our love was too strong to be taken from us the way everyone thought it had been. We finally had a family, and for it to just.. just be _stolen?_ He's my family, Mom! Mine and Danny's... and he doesn't even remember us."

Julian moved to sit on the edge of the coffee table. He took Sam's right hand into his own. "But what about Patrick, kiddo?"

Alexis cast a nervous glance in the man's direction. She too wanted an answer to that question for the fear of Sam someday returning to Jason and the violent life he led weighed heavily on her mind. This was a complicated situation. But knowing her daughter and the love she had for the man, she knew that Sam would move heaven and earth to have him back in her life. She just did not know how far Sam would be willing to go especially if there was a chance the man might never remember her again. This terrified her.

"Honey, what about the family you already have with him?" Alexis added. "You two are engaged, Danny calls him Daddy, and Emma loves you as though you were her mother."

"I don't... know," Sam finally responded after several moments of silence. "I know that the last thing I would ever want would be to hurt them because I love them with all of my..." she stopped.

She wanted to say that she loved them with all of her heart, but if that were the case, the answer would be simple. She would be able to leave her life with Jason in the past and continue to look forward to spending the rest of her life with Patrick. As much as she wanted to say that that was enough for her, the questions of what could have and _should_ have been spun in her mind. She was nauseated.

"I just... I don't know about anything anymore," she sobbed. "I love Patrick and our life so much. It is the first time since Jason that I have felt this way, you know? He is what I have always wanted for Danny if he could not have his actual father in his life. But now... he's here... and my heart doesn't know how I can be with Patrick if I could love this other man who doesn't even remember me the way that I do."


	2. Twice

**TWICE**

Her eyes slowly flickered open as the room filled with sunlight. This room was no different than the one she had had at the lake house; her mother had given her once again the second master suite in the home far apart from the others so that she might have privacy whenever there. At least as much privacy as the woman was willing to give her. It was a large room with a fireplace and decor similar to the one she had at their family home. The light taupe colors were warm and inviting. Her room had dark wood furniture, as she liked, with purple bedsheets and hints of the color throughout the pictures, vases, and flowers throughout. The windows were wide and high and faced the part of the house that backed the forest. Her father had done a wonderful job picking the home out for her mother.

Rolling to her back, Sam realized there was a light weight over her waist; she was not alone. Turning over, she saw that Molly had slipped into the bed with her at some point in the middle of the night. The teen was fast asleep. Since becoming a mother, she had become a lighter sleeper than she had been previously; but she must have been so emotionally drained she had not noticed when her youngest sister had joined her. She brought her hands to her face; this was real. Everything that had happened was real: she was engaged to another man whom she loved profoundly, she had a new family for whom she would lay down her life, and her once presumed dead husband had returned with no memory of her or the life they had shared. Her life was a disaster. Tears rolled down the side of her face and onto the pillow. She needed to make a decision.

Gently moving her sister's arm, she pressed a kiss to her cheek; the teen slept like a rock and would likely sleep for another couple of hours. Pulling the sheets back, she sat up in the bed and rested her feet onto the side rails and leaned forward with her elbows on her knees. Her discarded dress that had been on the couch where she had thrown it after changing into one of her mother's t-shirts was now missing; there was an overnight bag now in its place. _Patrick_. She walked over to it and unzipped it to find a note on top of the clothing he had packed.

 _'Sam,_

 _After everything that happened, I figured you would want to spend the night at your parents' place - you might be more comfortable there... at least until we figure all this out. I love you Sam and I believe in our relationship and our family. I know you do too._

 _Love, Patrick_

 _P.S. I'll pick Danny up from Monica's. I'm sure the last thing you need right now is to answer any more questions.'_

She ran her fingers over the note with a smile; his handwriting was always a joke between the two of them. He wrote just as a doctor was expected to write: horribly. But, she loved it. And she loved him, even in this moment when her heart felt as though it was being torn in half between the two families that she still wanted: the one with Jason and the one with him. She wished she could have them both. Her life would be so simple.

She folded the note and placed it back into her bag. Patrick's thoughtfulness had always been one of the most attractive things to her about him - and that was saying much given that he was one of the most beautiful and handsome men she knew. Grabbing a pair of jeans and shirt from the bag, she laid it onto her bed along with the undergarments he had packed; she then moved into the bathroom to clean up for the day. When she had made the decision to stay the night, she did so forgetting that unlike their home on the lake, she did not have any clothes in this new house. And since Kristina did not have any belongings there either and she had never been able to share clothes with Molly, rummaging through her mother's drawers for something to wear had been her only option. She would have just thrown on her dress to return home. Then, she probably would have done just as Patrick had already done for her and packed a weekend bag and returned to this house where she could think. Despite how awfully painful and difficult the last twelve hours had been, somehow he had managed to make even this little big thing simple for her.

She exited a several minutes later and quickly changed; she did not bother to dry her hair, she left it drip dry down her back. Glancing at her bedside clock, she then made her way down the long hallway toward her mother's bedroom. Knowing that it was after nine, the woman was awake, she reached to open the door, but stopped; her father could have been in there for the woman no longer lived alone. So, she knocked. When she did not receive a response, she opened the door, poked her head inside, and snuck into the bathroom when she was certain that the man was absent from the area. She always used her mother's face moisturizer.

She stared at herself for a few moments in the mirror. Her eyes were puffy from the dears she had cried, and her face lacked the color and brightness of someone who had been ecstatic about her life up to _thirteen_ hours earlier. After losing her husband three years earlier and finally coming to some form of acceptance of his death, this was not how she had imagined her life would have turned out. Giving herself one last glance, she exited.

"Good morning, Mom," she greeted with fake enthusiasm as she entered the large kitchen through the back staircase that was just feet from her parents' bedroom door.

The house was far bigger than their lake house had been - no doubt to accommodate a family that had doubled in size from the four (and a half) Davises to them plus two Jeromes and two Drakes. It would take bit of getting used to, but she liked it, especially since her father had purchased it for her mother and the love of the family they now had.

Turning to see Sam enter, Alexis rose from her seat at the table; enveloping her into a warm hug, she pressed a kiss to her temple. Accustomed to her girls often forgoing drying their hair after their showers and allowing it to air dry, she was unfazed by the wet puddle Sam left on her t-shirt.

"Good morning, sweetheart," she whispered into her ear before releasing her. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah, thanks," Sam nodded as she gave her mother's hand a gentle squeeze. "It was weird being in that room at first since it somewhat reminds me of my room at the lake house, but I'm pretty sure I was out like a light pretty quickly," she said as she took the seat her mother had just occupied at the table. "I don't even know when Molly came in." She took a sip of coffee from the woman's mug. "Hmm... this is good," she commented. "I know you didn't make this. Where's Dad?"

"At least your humor is still intact, my love," Alexis smiled. "He said he needed to take care of a few things this morning," she shrugged. "He should be back soon. But, he made eggs and pancakes before he left; do you want me to heat you up a plate?"

She wanted to say no, but the question was not truly a question; her mother had already placed the plate into the microwave to reheat the meal.

"Thanks," she smiled.

"Anytime, sweetheart," Alexis said. She moved to where Sam sat and leaned forward to kiss the top of her head as she placed the fresh mug in front of her. "Here you go." Reclaiming her own mug, she downed the rest of its contents before rinsing it out and placing it into the dishwasher. "So, Patrick stopped by last night," she said after a few moments.

"I figured as much," Sam said as she gestured toward her outfit. "He left me a note."

"Oh, yea?" Alexis responded rather open-endedly. If Sam wanted to tell her the contents of the note, she certainly would.

"He said he loves me and he believes in our relationship-"

The microwave beeped.

"Of course he loves you," Alexis replied as she removed the plate. She set it in front of Sam and took her seat across from her. "When he stopped by last night, it was obvious he was in pain, honey. This situation is as painful for him as it is for you," she continued. "You're both struggling to figure out where to go from here. But there's no question of how much that man loves you."

"I know." Sam picked at her eggs for a few moments as she let the thoughts traveling through her head settle down a bit. And then a sudden realization of what her mother had just said struck her. "Wait, Mom, when you said he stopped by, did he just... did he stop by, or did he actually come inside, Mom?" she found herself suddenly asking.

"He stopped by," Alexis slowly answered. "Why? What difference does it make"

He was not the one to hang up her dress and place the bag onto the couch, Sam realized; it had been her mother. She had imagined that he had entered the room, careful not to wake her, and placed a kiss to her temple as he adjusted the sheets. But he had not. He had built a wall between them so as to protect himself. And it made sense, of course, given that he had been in her position just two years earlier. He had left Sabrina.

"He's preparing himself for the moment when I tell him that I'm leaving him for Jason," she said almost to herself. "He's letting me know that he loves me and believes in us, but he's prepared for when I tell him that... that I'm leaving and giving the life I should have had with Jason a chance-"

Alexis wanted to scream that that life might never happen since the man had no recollection of her, but she bit her tongue; Sam already knew this. There was no point in stating the obvious. Regardless of her feelings for Jason and the hope that she had that her daughter would not do just as she just had stated, Alexis had no dogs in this crazy fight. Her only concern was the happiness of her first-born. She would support her decision regardless of what it was. So, she listened.

"Mom, I didn't want to say anything yesterday," Sam sighed as she placed the fork onto the plate and pushed it from her. She had done nothing but move the food around; she did not have the stomach to eat. "Well, I _couldn't_ ," she admitted. "It was... there was too much going on last night. And the day didn't end the way I had expected it to end," she paused and bit the inside of her cheek. She was rambling. "Mom, I'm... _pregnant,_ " she revealed. "I found out the day before yesterday and I was going to tell Patrick after the wedding, but-"

"All of this happened," Alexis whispered. Suddenly feeling a rush of exhilaration fill her, she brought her hand to her chest. "My baby," she said with a wide-eyed teary smile.

She scrambled to her feet to pull the younger woman into her embrace. She felt Sam release a breath as though she had been holding onto this large secret and finally felt relieved to unburden herself with it. Sadly, much like when she had realized that her daughter was pregnant with Danny, she could not tell whether or not the woman was happy. This was not the way such news, especially for her daughter who had difficulties conceiving, should have been received. For once, she wanted things to be easy for her first born child. She

"I know this isn't ideal, but I am so happy," she tearfully said as she held Sam's face between her hands. Using her thumbs, she gently caressed the high cheekbones her daughter had inherited from her; all three of her girls had taken this facial feature. "I hope you are."

"I'm... _confused,_ " was all Sam could reply before the doorbell rang. Turning to look at the large clock that hung on the wall, she knew it was Patrick dropping Danny off after his overnight with his Grandma Monica. She pulled out of her mother's embrace and wiped the fresh tears from her cheeks. "I'll get it, Mom."

* * *

Julian sat in his car outside of the Webber home for the last hour. He wanted to speak to the man who threatened his daughter's happiness, but the woman who had stolen his man's heart was home. He figured he would wait a bit until either one of them left.

The last year with Alexis had changed him. He had spent a lifetime, or two if one counted the time he spent as Derek Wells, living in the world that Jason Morgan had died in. After three years of safety - notwithstanding when Luke Spencer had attempted to kill those he loved - Julian did not want his daughter and grandson propelled back into that life, not when they had a perfect and happy family.

"Finally," Julian muttered when he noticed Elizabeth ushering three children from the house and toward her car that was parked in the driveway. Waiting a few moments until she backed out and drove away, he opened his car door and made his way toward the house. "Alright, Mr. Morgan, let's have a chat," he said to himself as he pressed his finger to the doorbell. It opened right away.

"Mr. Jerome," Jason replied. He would have been shocked to see his boss at his door, but from yesterday's revelations, he was married to the boss' daughter. "I'd ask you what you were doing here, but I think it's pretty obvious." He stepped aside to let the man inside. "Please-"

"Thank you." Julian stepped inside. It was a homey place, he observed, with pictures throughout the living room and dining area; they were on the walls and on the mantle. It was cute, he thought. "So, you're my son-in-law," he began. He took the picture of the little blond child Jason had with Elizabeth; he reminded him of Danny. "And the father to my grandson."

"So it seems," Jason answered. Putting his hands into his pockets, he approached Julian and removed the picture from the man's hands. "If you don't mind," he continued as he placed it back onto the mantle. "But what can I do for you, Julian? I can call you that now, right? Since you're my father-in-law now?"

He decided that he did not like the man. He was arrogant and rude. Not to mention his ties to the mob as its enforcer - or at least he had been. Either way, this was not the man he saw his daughter spending the rest of her life with. If there was a chance that he would remember his past life both with Sam and in the mob, Julian hoped that he would choose the former rather than the latter. He could not have both.

"You can call me a protective father," Julian answered. "And I want to know how you plan to fix this mess?"

Jason found himself getting frustrated. Ever since his identity was revealed, he felt as though he was being pulled and pushed into all different directions. Everyone wanted him to remember a life he did not know he had until less than twenty-four hours ago. They inflicted onto him all of the responsibility of a man he could not even fathom ever being. Certainly there were aspects about Jason Morgan that he recalled - his quick instincts and adeptness with firearms - but there were countless other things he did not. And this was the problem.

"Look, I get that you guys all want answer, but this isn't a mess that _I_ created," he stressed. "You people want me to choose Elizabeth or Sam, Jason Morgan or Jake Doe, but I can't. You may know who I am, but I don't. I don't know what it means... what _any_ of it means. And I'm sorry if it disappoints you, Julian, but that means that I can't tell you that I won't hurt your daughter.. hurt _Sam_... because right about now, no matter what I do, I'm going to hurt her since I can't give her what she wants."

"That's fair," Julian admitted. "But you're still the father of her son, Jason-"

"Jake-" he corrected the man. "I get that I'm really Jason, but... _Jake_ -"

Julian raised an eyebrow before moving to the couch. He gestured toward the couch and sat when Jake nodded.

"I don't know much about you, but I do know one thing: Jake loves Elizabeth, while Jason loves Sam. But what happens when the Jake _becomes_ Jason?"

"I don't know," he replied as he took a seat opposite the man. "I guess I'll cross that bridge when-"

"And that's what you don't understand," Julian spoke over him. He leaned forward into his seat. "You may not know who you are or what that means to you, but you have two women who needs answers from you. They need to know what you plan on doing. They're at that bridge waiting, Jake. Sam's left a family she loves to wait for you and it isn't fair that you get to play house until you make a decision."

"What the hell do you want me to do about it, Julian?!" Jake screamed. He had finally reached his wit's end. "Do you want me to turn off my feelings for Elizabeth just so I can get back to a life I don't remember with Sam? Because I can't do that, buddy. I can't suddenly invent feelings I never knew existed," he stopped and took a breath to calm himself. "Look, I like Sam. She was a great friend to me when I needed one, but that's the extent of it. I'm sorry." He stood from his seat and moved to the door. "Now, I'm sorry you wasted your time coming all the way over here, but that's all the answers I have for you right now."

* * *

"Mommy!" Danny squealed when Sam opened the door. He wrapped his tiny arms around her waist. "Did you miss me?"

Sam met Patrick's gaze for a mere second before turning her attention to her young son. In this moment, with his father living ten miles from their family's home, and with another family, she wanted nothing more than to hold her baby tightly in her arms. If she could never have Jason, she was grateful for the life they had created together; she loved this precious boy more than anything in the world.

"Of course I did, buddy," she growled playfully as she tickled him. His giggles were the best sounds she had ever heard. "Did you have a good time at Grandma Monica's?"

"Uh-hmm," he nodded when he escaped from his grasp and returned to Patrick's side. However, in seeing Alexis enter the room, he released the man's hand and charged toward her. "Grandma!"

Accustomed to her grandson's sudden charges in her direction, Alexis quickly braced herself, bent her knees, and easily scooped him up into her arms. Covering his face with kisses, she finished off with a raspberry to his cheek. He was tall for his age which led to comedic conversations among their family dominated by petite women.

"How's my favorite Davis Boy, hmm?" she cooed. "Were you good for your Grandma Monica?" When he nodded, she smirked; she knew her grandson well. "And what about for your Auntie Tracey? Were you good for her?"

Danny smiled innocently. Although he had inherited the dark eyes of the Cassadines, rather than his father's piercing blue ones, he had nevertheless a gift for making them sparkle in a way that made him far too adorable to ever punish his precociousness. Alexis, of course, always knew better.

"What did you do to Auntie Tracey?" she feigned upset.

And while she listened to her son giggle and recount how he placed Tracey's pantyhose onto the top of her head and ran about the house chasing Alice, Sam could not help but to watch the way Patrick's eyes seemed to dance with excitement at the story he had probably already heard a couple of times already since picking up the boy. He loved him. He loved her son as though he were her own and she loved him for it. He loved her more than... as much as... the way... She shut her eyes.

"Sam," Alexis called out to her when she noticed that the couple had stood one inside the _home_ and the other outside looking in. This scene before her was heartbreaking.

She looked sympathetically at Patrick who had not moved over the threshold and into the house. He stared from Danny to Sam, back to Danny, and finally to Sam with red, tear-filled eyes; her heart hurt for them. She rooted for these two. Patrick was the type of man she had always envisioned her daughter to be with. And when he had finally proposed to her, Alexis found herself purchasing every wedding magazine she could find so that she could plan with Sam and her girls the most beautiful, non-traditional wedding ceremony her eldest would allow her to throw. She had dreamt of watching Julian walk Sam down the aisle. She had dreamt of this little boy in her arms being the ring bearer while Emma, too old to be a flower girl, could be a junior bridesmaid. She had wanted it all not only for herself - which were her admittedly selfish reasons - but for her daughter who deserved this happiness. And now...

"Honey," she shifted the boy onto her hip and walked over to where her daughter stood. Placing a hand onto her waist, she gently moved the woman away from the door. "Why don't we let Patrick-"

"No-," the man finally spoke. His voice cracked with even that two letter word. He cleared his throat. "Thank you, Alexis, but... I'm going to just... I just wanted to bring-"

"Patrick-" She would not take no for an answer. She ushered him inside. "Come in," she said in a manner that indicated that she would not take no for an answer. This was the second day in a row this man had stood outside of her home as though he were a stranger; she would not abandon this fight. She wanted her daughter to realize just how happy she was with him. She would not push them - she had learned her lessons on doing such things - but she would also not let them carelessly throw away what they had. "I think there are a few things you and Sam need to talk about. You can't do that standing outside in the cold."

"Mom!" Sam glared in the woman's direction.

But she ignored her daughter's reaction. "Danny and I are going to go fix his room for his sleepover with his Grandma Lexie," she smiled at her grandson while speaking to Sam. "You two need to figure something out. I know you can't get everything resolved right now, but you guys _have_ to talk, honey." She looked over to Patrick. "Talk to her."


	3. Thrice

**THRICE**

"I'm sorry about that," Sam muttered when her mother left the room with her son. "She likes to say she isn't pressuring me, but-"

Patrick shook his head. "She's right, Sam," he replied. "We do need to talk-"

She sighed heavily as she took a seat on the couch. Looking over at him, she held her hand out so that he could join her; despite how conflicted she was, she needed him. She needed to touch him and feel him touch her. She needed to know that something was real.

"I love you, Patrick," she whispered when he sat down beside her.

Wrapping her arm around his neck, she nuzzled her face into it and breathed in. She loved the way he smelled in the morning right after his shower. His cologne, mixed with his shampoo, and his aftershave - even when he did not shave - was Patrick. She could always tell when he had been in the room because his scent lingered. When he hugged her or held her tightly, she could smell him on her clothes. It put a smile on her face.

"I love you too," he replied as he pressed a kiss onto the top of her head. "But I'm not sure that's enough to fix this because there's no fixing your resurrected husband no more than when the same thing happened to me and Sabrina, Sam. You're going to have to make a choice."

"I know," she sighed.

"And I don't want to pressure you, but I also can't sit in limbo," he continued. "I have to think of Emma - we both do - and even though Danny is so young, we still have to consider how this will affect him too. I don't want you to make a decision that you're not going to be able to live with... one that'll make you change your mind down the line when we've al come to accept it... _whatever_ it is."

"I'm pregnant," she blurted out suddenly. Moving from his embrace, she shifted to the other side of the couch. "And of course, as far as I'm concerned, there is nothing else that I want more than to keep it-"

"But keeping us," he swallowed hard as the words seemed to get stuck in his throat, "that's the thing you don't know."

Seeing her nod took him back to the moment when Sabrina had made the very same revelation to him after he had chosen Robin and the family they already had over her. He could not believe he was reliving that same nightmare once again. Perhaps if Sam chose to leave him, it would only be karma repaying him for the pain he had caused Sabrina. If that were to be his punishment, he could accept that; he only hoped that unlike his son, this baby might survive.

"I want this baby, Sam," he continued. "And I want to have it with you and raise it with you, in our home, _together_."

She bit her bottom lip as she nodded. "I want that too," she replied as she brought her legs to her chest. "I want a family with you, Patrick. It's one of the reasons I love you so much. Seeing you with Emma and now with Danny, it's the best thing in the world. But-"

"You wanted that with Jason too," he finished her sentence.

For what felt like the hundredth time that day, tears streamed down her face once again. "Patrick, Jason and I wanted a baby and a family together for so long," she sniffled. "And it seems as though every time we get close to having one, something happens to... to block it, you know?"

"And right now, I'm the latest-"

She quickly leaned forward to grab his hand. "No, Patrick. _NO,_ " she said _._ "You are not it. You didn't cause this," she continued hoping that he would believe her. "You're just an innocent party to this screwed up situation that none of us could have ever imagined would happen! I love you, Patrick. Regardless of anything else or whatever else might happen, I know that much is true. You're a good man who doesn't deserve this type of heartache. Emma doesn't either... not again."

"And you do, Sam?" he questioned her.

She held his scruffy face in her hands. If she could have had forever to gaze into his beautiful eyes and declare how much she loved him, she would have taken it. This man meant everything to her.

"I don't know what I deserve at this point, Patrick, " she honestly replied. "I've done so much bad to so many people in my life that maybe this heartache is my own penance. I mean, I'm in love with two men - one who doesn't remember me, and the other who loves me but doesn't deserve a woman who's hung up on someone else." Using the back of her hand, she wiped her face. "I get that there's a very big chance that Jason might never remember me, Patrick. My brain recognizes that, but right now, my heart... it just can't accept it. _I_ can't accept it-"

When he opened his mouth to respond and tell her that she was not the same person she had been when she had first arrived in town, she pressed her finger to his lips. She needed to say this aloud. She needed him to understand what she was saying and doing, and why. This was not an easy decision, but it was the right one.

"I mourned for him, Patrick," she sighed. "I cried myself to sleep for months wondering how this could have happened to me, to _us_. After everything that we went through, it just... it didn't seem fair. And then, as the days went by, and even though there was still a hole in my heart where he had once been, I realized that I was able to move on - that I _had_ to move on. And I did. With you."

She leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his lips. The tears that they both had shed with their runny noses mixed, but it did not bother either of them. This felt right. And yet, everything seemed so wrong.

"You're my best friend," she cried when they finally pulled away from one another. "You helped me throughout this ordeal, and you gave me that family - you gave Danny a father. You gave me everything that I had always wanted. And you mended my heart in a way that I didn't think was even possible after I lost him," she paused for a moment. "I mourned for Jason, Patrick. And now he's back. You're the _only_ person who knows what that feels like-"

"I am," he agreed. And he also understood what it meant to love and lose the love of your life all over again. He did not want her to experience that heartache. "So what are we supposed to do? If he never remembers you, Sam, what does that mean for us?"

"You have to let me mourn that loss, Patrick," she quietly replied. "When I lost him, I lost him physically. But now he's back. And him not remembering me? Patrick, he isn't Jason anymore. He's Jake. And he loves Elizabeth... and even if it's for the moment, my heart is still broken in pieces because a love like ours should have _never_ died. To watch him walk around town with her and her children, even if his face is different, it _kills_ me, Patrick. It kills me because I should have known... I should've known it was him all this time and I didn't!"

"So, what... what are you going to do?" he asked. "He's been here for a year and interacting with you all that time and he never recognized you. What if he never does?"

"I need... I need _time,_ " she sobbed. "I need time to let my heart accept that he's gone-"

He could understand that, but there was a very real possibility still weighing on his mind and stomping all over their dreams together. "But what is he remembers and he comes back and says that he wants to be with you, Sam? What does that mean for us? What does that mean for _me,_ Sam? Am I your second choice?" he struggled to ask. "Am I your consolation prize while you-"

She did not know how to respond to him. Had Jason not died, there would have never been a Sam and Patrick; this great love of hers - this _second_ great love - would have never been. And knowing him for who he was and the love that they shared, it would have certainly been a tragic loss _\- but_ at least this pain would have not been.

"I don't know how to answer that, Patrick," she finally replied after some time. "I know that you're notnow, nor have you ever been a consolation prize to me. I know that I love you so much it hurts to think about a life without you. But I also know that those same feelings were for Jason. Living without him all those years, it felt as though a large part of my heart was ripped out. It felt like I was dead inside and that I could never love someone the way that I loved him." She took his hand into her own and pressed her lips to them. "And then you came into my life as more than just my best friend. You revived me, Patrick. You loved me in a way that I had never been loved before. And I'm not saying that your love is any better or worse than what Jason and I had, I'm saying that I need time. And I need us - if there's still an us-"

"Of course there's still an us, Sam," he assured her.

She smiled gratefully. "I think we need to take it one day at a time," she decided. "And regardless of anything, I want you to know that this baby will always be in your life. And Emma, she is _always_ a part of mine. Most importantly, Patrick, you have to know that I love you and am _grateful_ for every minute... every _second..._ I spent with you."

* * *

He lived down the street from where she would have spent her life with Patrick and their new family. Over the last year and the last few months, she had lived down the street from her husband and she had not even known. How could she not have seen it? She had spent time with this man, been rescued by him, and worked with him to find out his identity to the detriment of her own cousin. Her cousin. She shook the thought from her mind that Nikolas would have been responsible for prolonging her separation from her husband. There were far more important things she needed to deal with; she would confront the man for his betrayal later.

"Sam," Jason said when he opened the door to find her there. "What... what are you doing here?"

Knowing that her father had already been by and had attempted to strong arm him into - well, she did not quite know what it was that Julian had expected of Jason, but she knew what she did not expect.

"I'm not going to be long," she assured him. "I just... I want to give you this," she held in her hand his father's wedding band that Monica had given to her for him. "I know you don't remember any part of your past life, but I thought you should have this anyway. I tried to give it to your mom... to _Monica,_ but she refused take it from me. She's holding out hope that you..." her voice trailed off. It was not her place to speak for his mother or for anyone other than herself. Given how quickly the news spread of his identity she was certain that he had already heard everyone's requests and pleas for his return to his life as the great Jason Morgan. After speaking with Patrick, she had made a decision.

"I wanted you to know that I'm not going to push you, Jas... _Jake,_ " she corrected herself. "I'm not going to be like everyone else who wants and expects you to throw away everything you've had over the last year to reclaim what you can't even remember. I won't do that to you."

"Uh... thank you," he said. "I appreciate that."

She sighed at how easily he accepted her unwillingness to fight for him; while it was in no way a ploy to get him back through any form of reverse psychology, it was nevertheless a bit of a stab to her heart. On some level she had hoped that he would fight for her. She could not bear the thought that he might only love her as a friend. Alas, she had no other choice.

"Look, one thing has always been constant between the two of us," she started. "I've never tried to change you; I never will. For the good or for the bad, I've loved you as my friend, then my lover, and finally my husband," she took a moment to brush away a stray hair that found its way plastered to her wet cheek. "I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow; you might remember me or you might not. But-"

"I'm sorry about that," he spoke over her.

"I have to move on with my life," she continued without acknowledgment of his apology. "I can't wait to find out if you're going to remember me or _want_ my again, Jason," she found herself near tears. "I need to let you go and figure things out all on your own... regardless of how difficult that might be-"

"I agree," he tried again to help her. He hated how angry, frustrated and sad she was about this situation. He hated that he was hurting her and everyone else who wanted him to be something he could not. He wanted this to be as easy as possible for her. "I already told your father that I don't want anyone to wait for me to suddenly turn back into this Jason Morgan character, Sam. I know he's afraid that if and when I do that you'll come back to me and I'll go back into the mob-"

"My father doesn't have much room to speak about the mob," Sam quickly rebuffed before calming enough to realize that the man had only wanted the best for her. "Jason..." she closed her eyes. She had a difficult time resigning to the fact that even with a different face, he was not who he had once been. " _Jake_... I've spent three years finally living a normal life - except for when my father's previous dealings got in the way. I don't know if I could go back to that dangerous type of life if you suddenly remember who you are and knock on my door to tell me you love me again. Besides, it's not just me anymore, you know-"

"Danny," Jason nodded in understanding,

"He's _everything_ to me," she agreed. "And I've seen the effects of that life on Michael, Morgan, and even Kristina despite my mom's attempts of keeping her from Sonny when she was younger. My God, they've been kidnapped, shot, sent to prison, _raped_ \- it's sick. And even Little Jake - he was targeted because he was your son-" she stopped. He did not need to know all of this. "That's not the life I want for my... _our..._ son."

"I'm not sure that's the life I want for myself either, Sam," he confided in her. "I know that Sonny, and maybe Carly as well, but definitely him - he wants for me to be that enforcer again. I recognize that there are aspects of that life that lingered; I mean, I've saved your life and put your life in danger because of those skills. If I'm going to live a life with Elizabeth-" She sucked a breath in. "I'm sorry."

She waved her hand dismissively as to the indicate that she was fine with this slip of the tongue, but she was not. But there was nothing she could do about it.

"I get it because I've changed too, Jake," she admitted then redirected the conversation back. She did not want to speak about Elizabeth. "I'm not the same person I was when I first came to town as a con and didn't have anyone else in my life. I'm not that woman who was so desperate to keep you that I would put a child's life in danger to do so. I stopped being that person even before Danny was born," she mentioned. "But ever since I got him back after thinking for months that he was dead, Jason, and when he was diagnosed with cancer, there is _no_ way I would put his life in that sort of danger again. I can't do that."

"I thought you were an adrenaline junkie," he smirked. He wanted to lighten the mood and perhaps put a smile on her face. He recalled the way she climbed Wyndemere's parapet with him; she was in her element. "You make for a great side-kick."

She smiled back at him. This was what had always been familiar with him; their rapport and ease. They clicked and were able to work together without issue because they had done so countless times before.

"You were a great teacher," she replied. "I'm grateful to you for it. You taught me a lot. But I think except for my PI work, I'm done with the sidekick aspect when it comes to Sonny's business and looking the other way. I mean, my father..." she stopped. Julian was no longer in the business. It did not matter when he thought. She let it go. "Look, if not for my own selfish reasons, Jason, I really do hope that you remember who you are for your own sake because you really were a great person. You deserve to remember it - all of it."

"Thank you," he said as he stuck his hands into his pockets. "I appreciate that. And I want to thank you for being my friend. I know this might be awkward, but I hope we can eventually be friends again. In time?"

She shook her head in response. "I don't think so," she said. They could never be friends. She did not want to be his friend watching him raise someone else's children. She wanted all or nothing. She would not compromise on that. Ever. "That's not... that won't be possible."

Realizing that this was the end and the point at which her feelings and the reality of he situation would converge into a messy definition of closure. So, wanting to touch him and kiss him for the very last time, she stepped closer to him, got onto the tips of her toes and pressed a kiss to his lips.

"I will love you forever, Jason Morgan," she breathed heavily once she released him. "Goodbye."

He watched as she turned and walked out of the house. Touching his lips which tingled with the memory of the taste of her own lips, he smiled. It felt right to him. Kissing her was like muscle memory. Her lips against his, the movement of their lips and their tongues, they were in sync.

He suddenly felt propelled into a time when he was hers and she was his, and things that they had not told him about had begun to swim in his head. He was remembering her.

" _Sam_..." he called out and ran toward her car.

The first time they had kissed in his penthouse, her pregnant belly, the tears of grief she had shed at the loss of that child, the joy when they had... _Hope_. He remembered, not everything, but enough to know he did not want her to leave. He reached her just as she had started the engine. He knocked at the window.

" _Wait..._ "

* * *

 **Thank you for reading. This was intentionally left open-ended; there will not be any additions to this completed story. The purpose was to fix (for better or worse) a revelation that has dragged on for far too long.**

 **Thanks again for reading. Kindly take a moment to leave a review.**


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